THE REALEST KOBE IS THE KOBE THAT SWEARS Kobe’s...

12:55 pm - Wed, Dec 14, 2011: 401 notes

THE REALEST KOBE IS THE KOBE THAT SWEARS

Kobe’s actually only 33 years old, but in basketball player years he’s 65, which means like every 65-year old walking the planet, he just simply doesn’t give a swear word that stars with the letter “F” and ends with the word fragment “uck.”

I’ve long suspected the truest Kobe Bryant is the swearing Kobe Bryant. You can’t be that competitive and not cuss like a sailor…a sailor who watched all of his friends die in Vietnam. There are these rare times, opportunities, when Kobe lets his guard down, and we get to see the man behind the curtain. And that’s when we learn that the curtain only hides abject hate, seething anger and thousands upon thousands of swear words.

Excerpts:

:05 - “I kinda like my chances.” (on the season)

Right out of the gate, Kobe’s got that, “I should kill you for questioning me” look in his eye. Stay tuned because Kobe drops his first three swear words soon thereafter (although censored…thanks for cleaning up the streets, LA Times).

:27 - “And you know more about basketball than I do. Do you?”

I’ve never understood why sports writers, and especially bloggers, think they know more about the game of basketball than athletes, coaches, GMs, etc. Apparently, Kobe feels the same way. We’re all just fans, and until you play the game at it’s highest level, we’re all on the same level - not professional athletes.

:34 - The Eyeroll from Hell

If Kobe were to kill that idiot reporter, he certainly has enough money to buy those hogs that eat people. Something to think about.

1:14 - “None of your business.”

Okay, now it’s clear the idiot reporter has pissed him off, and the rest of the reporters are going to feel his rath. This guy is the best. Nobody like him in the league.

1:50 - “Does that impress me?”

Kobe is asked if Pau Gasol’s professionalism to this point (which is admittedly commendable, certainly in contrast to Lamar Odom, albeit somewhat expected) is impressive. I won’t even bother writing out his answer, because it’s not what he says, but how he says it.

You can almost see the real Kobe Bryant struggling to get out.

3:00 - “Cool.”

I’m no professional reporter, but I would guess you’d always want to have a question at the ready. Don’t get caught yammering on or Kobe will hit you with the “Cool.”

I cannot believe he didn’t swear here. That’s will power.

4:01 - Reporter asks: “Aren’t you selling us a bill of goods?”

This is the best part. Vintage Kobe.

“I don’t need to do that. If I think a guy’s a bum, he’s a fucking bum. Smush (Parker) was here, I told you he was a bum. From Day 1 I told you he was a bum.”

Look at it this way, Laker fans, if the team stands pat, adds no new players, and somehow has a bad season, we can all at least look forward to seeing Kobe swear more at a pack of reporters.

I’ll take that over a 2nd round sweep every year.

@gotem_coach