Columns – Got 'Em Coach

(Photo by Ron Turenne/NBAE via Getty Images)

12:31 pm - Sat, Feb 11, 2012: 1,463 notes

On February 3rd, the New York Knicks lost to the Boston Celtics. Third-string point guard Jeremy Lin played just over six and a half minutes. He missed all three of his shots and turned the ball over once to boot.

The next day, Jeremy Lin scored 25 points, dished out 7 assists, and had 4 rebounds in 35 minutes. Ever since, basketball fans have been inundated with Jeremy Lin news, Jeremy Lin back story, and worst of all, a seemingly unending stream of tired Jeremy Lin puns.

I mean, honestly. If Russia ever found out how many man hours we’ve spent thinking of words that start with “IN,” they’d invade. Our nation would surely fall.

In the span of a week, Jeremy Lin went from being an interesting story, to a great story, to an obnoxious story. Then last night happened.

As I do every year, I made the decision to eat cereal for a week, so I could afford to buy a ticket to see the Los Angeles Lakers’ only trip to Madison Square Garden. I paid for Kobe. I got my money’s worth from Lin.

After missing the Knicks’ first shot, Lin scored the Knicks’ first basket - a 22-foot three pointer. He followed that up with an assist to Tyson Chandler, a 19-footer, another assist to Tyson Chandler, a 16-footer, and a steal which he took in for a breakaway layup.

Timeout Los Angeles Lakers. It was an ambush.

After establishing his outside game (a supposed weakness), Lin went inside, shooting runners in the lane, and finishing at the basket with his soon-to-be-patented spin move (no doubt, regrettably called the “Lin Cycle”…here come the Russians!!!). He had 18 by halftime.

When Lin continued his attack in the 3rd, the Lakers’ big men adjusted, but so did Jeremy. On the fly. He drew contact, and either got to the free throw line, or kicked the ball outside to his teammates. When Kobe Bryant willed the Lakers back within 3 during the 4th quarter, and the Knicks needed Lin the most, he was there. He was there, like a battle-tested, “been there before,” cold-blooded killer.

A rebound, an assist, another rebound, and an ice cold 19-footer he stroked right in Pau Gasol’s Spanish face. In 83 seconds, the Knicks lead was back to 9. Timeout Los Angeles. Déjà vu.

Lin wasn’t done. It was time to keep working the outside. The Lakers were on their heels. On three consecutive plays, the Knicks’ new starting point guard stuck another long jumper, Kobe missed one of his own, followed by Lin drilling his second three pointer of the night. Game over. The last two of his career-high 38-points came when Lin sliced through the Lakers’ “Top 5” team defense, deftly slipped past the 7-foot Gasol, and reversed his layup.

I couldn’t even see it. I had to ask someone. The two guys in front of me were hugging. And screaming at each other. I’ve never heard Madison Square Garden louder.

I spent the whole game mystified. At times it seemed like the fans were carrying Lin to new heights - as though the raucous applause and booming MVP chants were fueling him. At other times, Lin was the one waking up the crowd, snatching momentum back for his Knicks. Was Jeremy Lin’s confidence through the roof because the fans were cheering him on? Or were the fans cheering him on because his confidence demanded it.

I spent a lot of time (read as: “almost all of it”) trying to decide whether Jeremy Lin was legit or not. Did I just want him to be legit? The Garden faithful clearly wanted him to be legit, so was that emotion affecting me? Is “legit” even really a word? Don’t I have to say “legitimate?”

I just kept asking myself, “Is Jeremy Lin for real?” During timeouts. In between plays. Over and over and over. And then the answer hit me.

It doesn’t matter.

I saw one hell of a performance at 32nd and 7th in New York City. Maybe it wasn’t Kobe’s 61, but it was quite similarly supernatural. Tonight, I saw a human being, just like you and me, not just overcome his opponent, but overcome the limitations of his own body and mind, to excel at the highest level. Whether he becomes the next Walt Frazier doesn’t matter. Tonight, Jeremy Lin touched greatness. Tonight, Jeremy Lin was Great.

Isn’t that why we watch sports? Don’t we hope to see someone do something amazing? That’s why I had to write this. I needed to tell you to turn on your televisions. Go to the Garden. Find out when the Knicks come to town. Don’t miss what’s going on because you’re trying to analyze it. Just take the time to enjoy this.

Granted, I don’t exactly know what this is, but I do know it’s special.

Or maybe I’m just certifiably Linsane?

3:13 pm - Mon, Jan 30, 2012: 293 notes

QUIT PLAYING, CHICAGO.

Not like, “Quit playing basketball, Chicago Bulls.” More like, “Quit playing around, Chicago Bulls Management.” This team can’t win a title without help. There are some names floating around (O.J. Mayo, among others), and some guys coming back from China. Pick up the phone, open up your wallet, and get Derrick Rose some help.

Basketball isn’t brain surgery. You can make this determination on paper. Look at the roster and ask yourself, “Has there ever been an NBA Champion with a guy like Luol Deng as the second best player on the team?” No. There hasn’t.

Look at the long list of NBA Champion #2’s: Oscar Robertson, Kevin McHale, Dr. J, Scottie Pippen, James Worthy, Kobe Bryant, Shaq, Manu Ginobili, Ray Allen, Pau Gasol. Sure, there might be an Otis Thorpe or Vernon Maxwell in that list, but why risk it?

The same can be said for Carlos Boozer. Not only is he a liability defensively in the post against larger power forwards, but he habitually disappears in the Spring. Plus, Rip Hamilton is a dinosaur, Kyle Korver has that haircut, and this patently greedy schedule (thanks David Stern) is going to eat everyone alive. You need help.

Look at it this way: the #2 on the team that just beat the Bulls, and is favored to win the title this season, is either LeBron James or Dwyane Wade. I understood stockpiling bigs like Noah, Boozer, Asik, and Gibson. That size and flexibility made you unique last year. But it didn’t work.

You lost. And those players aren’t going to get that much better.

You need to make a move.

The Chicago Bulls management is idling. They’re too comfortable. They’re assuming, because the team is young, and because they have Derrick Rose, the Bulls will be good for a while into the future. But window’s close. Sometimes they slam shut. Ask the Portland Trail Blazers, or the Sacramento Kings. Ask the Cleveland Cavaliers, or the Orlando Magic.

The time is now, Chicago. Don’t waste this. Quit playing.

1:45 am - Tue, Jan 10, 2012: 546 notes

If you look at the back of your hand, you’ll notice muscle. Some tendons, ligaments. Probably a vein or two.

Now, look at the above photo again.

From Adrian Wojnarowski of Yahoo! Sports:

With those torn ligaments in his right wrist – an injury that should’ve required surgery and three months of rehabilitation – Bryant is forever one collision from serious seasonal consequences. When he fails to keep the wrist moving during a game, it will swell significantly.

Kobe tore the lunotriquetral ligament in the wrist of his shooting hand. The lunotriquetral ligament is a series of bands of connective tissue that link the lunate and triquetral bones. Since Kobe’s lunate and triquetral bones did not displace during his fall in the Lakers’ preseason game against the Clippers, Byrant eschewed surgery, leaving him with what I jokingly refer to as “fat-hand.”

Kobe’s bad wrist and “fat-hand” restrict his movement, weaken his grip on the ball, and drastically affect his shot. The injury is no more evident then when Kobe is on the free-throw line. Kobe’s made over 7,000 freebies, and taken almost 8,500. His stroke has been refined over 16 seasons. Nowadays, every Kobe free throw is accompanied by an overt, nervous body English. He leans, bends. His arms flail as he tries to will the ball into the basket.

You: Well, Neil, if Kobe’s wrist affects him that much when he’s just standing still taking free throws, doesn’t it affect everything else he does, from dribbling to the difficult jump shots he takes, even more so?

Me: Yes.

Yet he persists. Kobe Bryant’s ability to play through pain and significant injury is admirable, dare I say inspiring.

From Bill Simmons of Grantland:

Kobe is a tough dude. Gotta hand it to him - he plays with legit injuries about as well as NBA player I can remember.

We’re at the point in Bryant’s career where any non-catastrophic injury is written off as a relative non-factor - never to keep him from missing playing time - and all of his catastrophic injuries are written off as non-catastrophic.

He’s an absolute warrior. Our memories of Kobe scoring, and winning titles, on a myriad of injuries will balloon like a tall tale. “Remember the time Kobe scored 44 with two left arms? Yeah, his right arm got shot off by a bazooka, so he bought a left arm on the German black market, had it sewn on, and hung 44 on Ruben Patterson.”

Of course, Bryant’s willingness to battle while wounded is, in part, a pointed strategy in his ongoing Résumé War with Michael Jordan. Kobe’s legacy will undoubtedly benefit from every injury he has played with, and will play with, over the course of his career, but the best way for Bryant to pass Jordan on the All-Time list will be to pass him in championship rings.

We’re certain the Lakers can’t win a title without Bryant, but can they hang a banner with Bryant so clearly not even close to 100%. Last season’s knee and ankle injuries never hurt Kobe more than when he walked off the floor in Dallas, a victim of the Mavericks’ Playoff sweep. This year, I can promise you, Bryant’s wrist will not be getting better.

According to the Orange County Register’s Kevin Ding, Bryant is receiving a numbing injection before every game with the hopes of performing normally. Head Coach Mike Brown admits the injury “could be hurting Bryant more than he is letting on.” Take it from Kobe’s personal trainer (also, famously, Michael Jordan’s personal trainer), Tim Grover:

“I’ve never seen anyone do what Kobe’s doing right now.”

Maybe that’s not a good thing? We’ll never know because Kobe Bryant is playing tonight. And every other night the Lakers have a game.

Did you hear about the time Kobe blocked a shot with his anger?

4:16 pm - Tue, Jan 3, 2012: 1,176 notes

THE END OF AN ERA…AND A TRIBUTE:

You may never see another Shaq again. Forget the size, athleticism, and power. Forget the championships, the Finals MVPs, and the 28,596 points. Forget the commercials, the rapping and Kazaam.

This guy was the King of Giving Himself Nicknames. Hell, “Shaq” is a nickname.

“In light of today, I am retiring all my nicknames. The Big Aristotle, Shaq-Fu, The Big Shamrock, The Big Cactus, The Diesel, and finally, the one and only, original, never to be duplicated or replicated … Superman. From now on, you can call me The Big AARP. Association for the Advancement of Retired Persons.”

You forget how he got half of these. While some are regional - “The Big Agave” - others need an explanation.

“’The Big Aristotle’ was coined the day I won the MVP last year [2000]. I stole a quote from that Greek philosopher cat: ‘Excellence is not a singular act, but a habit. You are what you repeatedly do.’”

“Wilt Chamberneezy” needs no further back story. “The Real Deal Shaquille O’Neal” had an intrinsic rhyming property that lends itself to a great nickname. I would have thought there would never be a way to beat “Shaq Daddy,” but he tried. Oh, how he did try.

“’The Big Stock Exchange.’ I start off at one price. Every now and then I’ll go down, but eventually I’ll go back up”

An apt comparison. Let’s stay financial for a second.

“‘The Big IPO.’ Put your money on me. Because when I go public, we all gonna make money.”

He called himself the “The Big Quotatious” for his propensity to provide great soundbites - like the kind of soundbites that end with a guy nicknaming himself “The Big Quotatious.” If you couldn’t tell, “Big” seemed to be a recurring trend. Shaq had a game-saving steal in Orlando, which spawned, “The Big Felon.” “The Big Sewer” because he “had a lot of sh*t.” What about the time Shaq made his free throws, and referred to himself post-game as “The Big Havlicek?”

“Can’t forget ‘The Big Antarctica’ because I’m so cold.”

Don’t forget the abbreviations. “M.D.E.” meant Most Dominant Ever. “L.C.L.” meant Last Center Left. Wondering why did Shaq called himself “Shaqovic?”

“If you go around the league, anybody with the last name ‘vich’ is a great shooter. Radmanovic, Vujacic…all those ‘iches.’”

Makes sense. He wasn’t without a misstep here or there. After “terrorizing” Keith Van Horn in the 2002 NBA Finals, Shaq actually said the phrase “Osama bin Shaq” out loud. Not his finest locker room hour. When Shaq “fought” Oscar de la Hoya on an episode of his reality show Shaq Vs., O’Neal was coached by Freddie Roach, Manny Pacquiao’s world-class trainer, and dubbed himself “Manny Shaquiao.”

My personal favorite? In 2000, after eliminating foreign-born centers Vlade Divac, Rik Smits and Arvydas Sabonis on his way to the NBA championship, Shaq called himself, “The Big Deporter.”

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again - you’ll see another Michael Jordan before you see another Shaquille O’Neal. Thanks, one last time, Shaq.

(for the rest of the Shaq Retirement Tribute - click here)

12:55 pm - Wed, Dec 14, 2011: 413 notes

THE REALEST KOBE IS THE KOBE THAT SWEARS

Kobe’s actually only 33 years old, but in basketball player years he’s 65, which means like every 65-year old walking the planet, he just simply doesn’t give a swear word that stars with the letter “F” and ends with the word fragment “uck.”

I’ve long suspected the truest Kobe Bryant is the swearing Kobe Bryant. You can’t be that competitive and not cuss like a sailor…a sailor who watched all of his friends die in Vietnam. There are these rare times, opportunities, when Kobe lets his guard down, and we get to see the man behind the curtain. And that’s when we learn that the curtain only hides abject hate, seething anger and thousands upon thousands of swear words.

Excerpts:

:05 - “I kinda like my chances.” (on the season)

Right out of the gate, Kobe’s got that, “I should kill you for questioning me” look in his eye. Stay tuned because Kobe drops his first three swear words soon thereafter (although censored…thanks for cleaning up the streets, LA Times).

:27 - “And you know more about basketball than I do. Do you?”

I’ve never understood why sports writers, and especially bloggers, think they know more about the game of basketball than athletes, coaches, GMs, etc. Apparently, Kobe feels the same way. We’re all just fans, and until you play the game at it’s highest level, we’re all on the same level - not professional athletes.

:34 - The Eyeroll from Hell

If Kobe were to kill that idiot reporter, he certainly has enough money to buy those hogs that eat people. Something to think about.

1:14 - “None of your business.”

Okay, now it’s clear the idiot reporter has pissed him off, and the rest of the reporters are going to feel his rath. This guy is the best. Nobody like him in the league.

1:50 - “Does that impress me?”

Kobe is asked if Pau Gasol’s professionalism to this point (which is admittedly commendable, certainly in contrast to Lamar Odom, albeit somewhat expected) is impressive. I won’t even bother writing out his answer, because it’s not what he says, but how he says it.

You can almost see the real Kobe Bryant struggling to get out.

3:00 - “Cool.”

I’m no professional reporter, but I would guess you’d always want to have a question at the ready. Don’t get caught yammering on or Kobe will hit you with the “Cool.”

I cannot believe he didn’t swear here. That’s will power.

4:01 - Reporter asks: “Aren’t you selling us a bill of goods?”

This is the best part. Vintage Kobe.

“I don’t need to do that. If I think a guy’s a bum, he’s a fucking bum. Smush (Parker) was here, I told you he was a bum. From Day 1 I told you he was a bum.”

Look at it this way, Laker fans, if the team stands pat, adds no new players, and somehow has a bad season, we can all at least look forward to seeing Kobe swear more at a pack of reporters.

I’ll take that over a 2nd round sweep every year.

3:37 pm - Fri, Dec 9, 2011: 121 notes

GOT ‘EM COACH PRO-TIP: If you want to stay on a team, put the team first

Lamar Odom played his best season last Fall and Winter. He won the 6th Man of the Year award, and the Lakers would have been ever more lost than they were had Lamar not been a stabling force with the team (what I’m saying is, if it weren’t for Lamar, the Lakers would have been swept out of the Playoffs by Dallas in 3 games.).

I love Lamar Odom. He’s one of my favorite Los Angeles Lakers of all-time, but if you want to stay on the Lakers, you have to put the Lakers first. Don’t ever choose to film a reality show (with the Kardashians, no less) and give that show access to your locker room, and your real professional life.

NBA basketball is a business. The Lakers tried to trade Lamar Odom because they’re following the tried and true business maxim: buy low, sell high. He was part of a package that would have landed the Lakers the best point guard in basketball since John Stockton.

But if you think him choosing to film a Ryan Seacrest/Kardashian/E! Entertainment Television reality show during the season, at the Staples Center, didn’t rub people in the Lakers organization the wrong way, you’re wrong.

*Put basketball, and your team first, and you’ll always get the benefit of the doubt.

Now, they’re doubting you’ll benefit the team.

This has been another installment of GOT ‘EM COACH PRO-TIP