![THE END OF AN ERA…AND A TRIBUTE:
You may never see another Shaq again. Forget the size, athleticism, and power. Forget the championships, the Finals MVPs, and the 28,596 points. Forget the commercials, the rapping and Kazaam.
This guy was the King of Giving Himself Nicknames. Hell, “Shaq” is a nickname.
“In light of today, I am retiring all my nicknames. The Big Aristotle, Shaq-Fu, The Big Shamrock, The Big Cactus, The Diesel, and finally, the one and only, original, never to be duplicated or replicated … Superman. From now on, you can call me The Big AARP. Association for the Advancement of Retired Persons.”
You forget how he got half of these. While some are regional - “The Big Agave” - others need an explanation.
“’The Big Aristotle’ was coined the day I won the MVP last year [2000]. I stole a quote from that Greek philosopher cat: ‘Excellence is not a singular act, but a habit. You are what you repeatedly do.’”
“Wilt Chamberneezy” needs no further back story. “The Real Deal Shaquille O’Neal” had an intrinsic rhyming property that lends itself to a great nickname. I would have thought there would never be a way to beat “Shaq Daddy,” but he tried. Oh, how he did try.
“’The Big Stock Exchange.’ I start off at one price. Every now and then I’ll go down, but eventually I’ll go back up”
An apt comparison. Let’s stay financial for a second.
“‘The Big IPO.’ Put your money on me. Because when I go public, we all gonna make money.”
He called himself the “The Big Quotatious” for his propensity to provide great soundbites - like the kind of soundbites that end with a guy nicknaming himself “The Big Quotatious.” If you couldn’t tell, “Big” seemed to be a recurring trend. Shaq had a game-saving steal in Orlando, which spawned, “The Big Felon.” “The Big Sewer” because he “had a lot of sh*t.” What about the time Shaq made his free throws, and referred to himself post-game as “The Big Havlicek?”
“Can’t forget ‘The Big Antarctica’ because I’m so cold.”
Don’t forget the abbreviations. “M.D.E.” meant Most Dominant Ever. “L.C.L.” meant Last Center Left. Wondering why did Shaq called himself “Shaqovic?”
“If you go around the league, anybody with the last name ‘vich’ is a great shooter. Radmanovic, Vujacic…all those ‘iches.’”
Makes sense. He wasn’t without a misstep here or there. After “terrorizing” Keith Van Horn in the 2002 NBA Finals, Shaq actually said the phrase “Osama bin Shaq” out loud. Not his finest locker room hour. When Shaq “fought” Oscar de la Hoya on an episode of his reality show Shaq Vs., O’Neal was coached by Freddie Roach, Manny Pacquiao’s world-class trainer, and dubbed himself “Manny Shaquiao.”
My personal favorite? In 2000, after eliminating foreign-born centers Vlade Divac, Rik Smits and Arvydas Sabonis on his way to the NBA championship, Shaq called himself, “The Big Deporter.”
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again - you’ll see another Michael Jordan before you see another Shaquille O’Neal. Thanks, one last time, Shaq.
@gotem_coach
(for the rest of the Shaq Retirement Tribute - click here)](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lx8kseFVld1qcmnsoo1_1280.png)
THE END OF AN ERA…AND A TRIBUTE:
You may never see another Shaq again. Forget the size, athleticism, and power. Forget the championships, the Finals MVPs, and the 28,596 points. Forget the commercials, the rapping and Kazaam.
This guy was the King of Giving Himself Nicknames. Hell, “Shaq” is a nickname.
“In light of today, I am retiring all my nicknames. The Big Aristotle, Shaq-Fu, The Big Shamrock, The Big Cactus, The Diesel, and finally, the one and only, original, never to be duplicated or replicated … Superman. From now on, you can call me The Big AARP. Association for the Advancement of Retired Persons.”
You forget how he got half of these. While some are regional - “The Big Agave” - others need an explanation.
“’The Big Aristotle’ was coined the day I won the MVP last year [2000]. I stole a quote from that Greek philosopher cat: ‘Excellence is not a singular act, but a habit. You are what you repeatedly do.’”
“Wilt Chamberneezy” needs no further back story. “The Real Deal Shaquille O’Neal” had an intrinsic rhyming property that lends itself to a great nickname. I would have thought there would never be a way to beat “Shaq Daddy,” but he tried. Oh, how he did try.
“’The Big Stock Exchange.’ I start off at one price. Every now and then I’ll go down, but eventually I’ll go back up”
An apt comparison. Let’s stay financial for a second.
“‘The Big IPO.’ Put your money on me. Because when I go public, we all gonna make money.”
He called himself the “The Big Quotatious” for his propensity to provide great soundbites - like the kind of soundbites that end with a guy nicknaming himself “The Big Quotatious.” If you couldn’t tell, “Big” seemed to be a recurring trend. Shaq had a game-saving steal in Orlando, which spawned, “The Big Felon.” “The Big Sewer” because he “had a lot of sh*t.” What about the time Shaq made his free throws, and referred to himself post-game as “The Big Havlicek?”
“Can’t forget ‘The Big Antarctica’ because I’m so cold.”
Don’t forget the abbreviations. “M.D.E.” meant Most Dominant Ever. “L.C.L.” meant Last Center Left. Wondering why did Shaq called himself “Shaqovic?”
“If you go around the league, anybody with the last name ‘vich’ is a great shooter. Radmanovic, Vujacic…all those ‘iches.’”
Makes sense. He wasn’t without a misstep here or there. After “terrorizing” Keith Van Horn in the 2002 NBA Finals, Shaq actually said the phrase “Osama bin Shaq” out loud. Not his finest locker room hour. When Shaq “fought” Oscar de la Hoya on an episode of his reality show Shaq Vs., O’Neal was coached by Freddie Roach, Manny Pacquiao’s world-class trainer, and dubbed himself “Manny Shaquiao.”
My personal favorite? In 2000, after eliminating foreign-born centers Vlade Divac, Rik Smits and Arvydas Sabonis on his way to the NBA championship, Shaq called himself, “The Big Deporter.”
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again - you’ll see another Michael Jordan before you see another Shaquille O’Neal. Thanks, one last time, Shaq.
(for the rest of the Shaq Retirement Tribute - click here)
THE REALEST KOBE IS THE KOBE THAT SWEARS
Kobe’s actually only 33 years old, but in basketball player years he’s 65, which means like every 65-year old walking the planet, he just simply doesn’t give a swear word that stars with the letter “F” and ends with the word fragment “uck.”
I’ve long suspected the truest Kobe Bryant is the swearing Kobe Bryant. You can’t be that competitive and not cuss like a sailor…a sailor who watched all of his friends die in Vietnam. There are these rare times, opportunities, when Kobe lets his guard down, and we get to see the man behind the curtain. And that’s when we learn that the curtain only hides abject hate, seething anger and thousands upon thousands of swear words.
Excerpts:
:05 - “I kinda like my chances.” (on the season)
Right out of the gate, Kobe’s got that, “I should kill you for questioning me” look in his eye. Stay tuned because Kobe drops his first three swear words soon thereafter (although censored…thanks for cleaning up the streets, LA Times).
:27 - “And you know more about basketball than I do. Do you?”
I’ve never understood why sports writers, and especially bloggers, think they know more about the game of basketball than athletes, coaches, GMs, etc. Apparently, Kobe feels the same way. We’re all just fans, and until you play the game at it’s highest level, we’re all on the same level - not professional athletes.
:34 - The Eyeroll from Hell
If Kobe were to kill that idiot reporter, he certainly has enough money to buy those hogs that eat people. Something to think about.
1:14 - “None of your business.”
Okay, now it’s clear the idiot reporter has pissed him off, and the rest of the reporters are going to feel his rath. This guy is the best. Nobody like him in the league.
1:50 - “Does that impress me?”
Kobe is asked if Pau Gasol’s professionalism to this point (which is admittedly commendable, certainly in contrast to Lamar Odom, albeit somewhat expected) is impressive. I won’t even bother writing out his answer, because it’s not what he says, but how he says it.
You can almost see the real Kobe Bryant struggling to get out.
3:00 - “Cool.”
I’m no professional reporter, but I would guess you’d always want to have a question at the ready. Don’t get caught yammering on or Kobe will hit you with the “Cool.”
I cannot believe he didn’t swear here. That’s will power.
4:01 - Reporter asks: “Aren’t you selling us a bill of goods?”
This is the best part. Vintage Kobe.
“I don’t need to do that. If I think a guy’s a bum, he’s a fucking bum. Smush (Parker) was here, I told you he was a bum. From Day 1 I told you he was a bum.”
Look at it this way, Laker fans, if the team stands pat, adds no new players, and somehow has a bad season, we can all at least look forward to seeing Kobe swear more at a pack of reporters.
I’ll take that over a 2nd round sweep every year.
GOT ‘EM COACH PRO-TIP: If you want to stay on a team, put the team first
Lamar Odom played his best season last Fall and Winter. He won the 6th Man of the Year award, and the Lakers would have been ever more lost than they were had Lamar not been a stabling force with the team (what I’m saying is, if it weren’t for Lamar, the Lakers would have been swept out of the Playoffs by Dallas in 3 games.).
I love Lamar Odom. He’s one of my favorite Los Angeles Lakers of all-time, but if you want to stay on the Lakers, you have to put the Lakers first. Don’t ever choose to film a reality show (with the Kardashians, no less) and give that show access to your locker room, and your real professional life.
NBA basketball is a business. The Lakers tried to trade Lamar Odom because they’re following the tried and true business maxim: buy low, sell high. He was part of a package that would have landed the Lakers the best point guard in basketball since John Stockton.
But if you think him choosing to film a Ryan Seacrest/Kardashian/E! Entertainment Television reality show during the season, at the Staples Center, didn’t rub people in the Lakers organization the wrong way, you’re wrong.
*Put basketball, and your team first, and you’ll always get the benefit of the doubt.
Now, they’re doubting you’ll benefit the team.
This has been another installment of GOT ‘EM COACH PRO-TIP
interestingtome
“What we got to say? Power to the people, no delay.
To make everybody see, in order to fight the powers that be.” - Chuck D
I am always down for a fight. Always. I think drastic times require drastic measures. Stand up. Defend yourself. When I was a kid I wanted to be a pro basketball player, or a Central American guerrilla.
So, if people want to send a message on twitter by unfollowing @NBA and its players, I’m certainly not opposed.
I just want to make one thing clear. The NBA is a business. You just happen to love this business. You rabidly cheer for it’s employees, and you wear it’s logo on your shirt, so sometimes it feels different than a regular, old company like Wal-Mart, but it’s not. The NBA is sports Wal-Mart.
That means it’s all about the money. I’m going to write that again a few times. Money. Money. Money. You want to send a message to the NBA and it’s players, stop watching games, stop buying tickets, stop buying t-shirts, stop watching their channel. Forever. You have to get into their wallets. You have to take their money away. Big businesses don’t care about the little people. The NBA is really big business, and you’re very small to them. Unfollowing these people on twitter, or other social media platforms, is a step, but it’s a step that will ultimately have no effect whatsoever if you just start watching games whenever there’s another season.
Lets look at what’s going on right now, for example. The NBA owners are fed up with the league’s current structure, and they’re ready to detonate the season (or seasons) to fix it. The NBA players decided they’re tired of getting pushed around, and now they’re ready for a long battle in court. I mean, the players didn’t even counter-offer the owners’ last proposal. That’s Business 101. Instead of negotiating, the players essentially ripped up the papers into a thousand pieces, and challenged the owners to a legal fist fight. These two want blood.
There’s only one more party involved - you. The fans. And while the owners and players are in the midst of their nuclear war games, what are we doing? We’re planning to unfollow them on twitter. You know the old saying, “Don’t bring a knife to a really rich gun fight.” To win this, we’ll have to drop our own bombs.
Don’t forget, the NBA has a history of doing this to you. They screwed the fans, and locked out half the season in 1999. What message did we send then? Well, a scant two years later, in 2001, we watched the NBA Finals in droves, giving the league it’s highest rated Finals over the past 13 years. I hate to tell you, but the NBA will come back, and the league will be in a better place in a few years. The owners will make more money. The players will still be young millionaires. Your anger will subside, and the lionshare of fans today will come back to the arenas, their TV sets, and their replica jerseys. Unless you get nuclear.
It would be disingenuous of me to promote the #unfollow the NBA campaign on this site, when I can guarantee you I’ll be following the game as soon as it comes back. When the Lakers come to Madison Square Garden, I’ll be there. I can’t lie. I love NBA basketball.
“Well, why aren’t you more angry about this, Neil? Why don’t you take a stand, you coward?!?”
I’ll answer that in my upcoming mailbag (you know, the one I promised 2 months ago). Check back for holiday email fun.
BREAKING: NBA announces it’s first replacement player
Chad DuBois is 23 years old, and from Whitefish Bay, Wisconsin. He currently works behind the counter at the Red Robin in downtown Milwaukee, but has always really loved basketball. DuBois did play in junior high before being expelled for sexually harassing his Spanish teacher.
Chad is exceptionally white, not particularly athletic, and has smoked tens of thousands of cigarettes, which will almost certainly effect his stamina and performance. A guy named Jimmy, who wears sweatpants and played a pickup game against Chad at their local YMCA said DuBois is “not that bad.”
- Strengths: wanting to play professional basketball, foul smell, leadership
- Weaknesses: shooting, on-ball defense, all defense
His vertical leap is 9 inches, he’s missing a finger, and he’ll start at point guard for your Indiana Pacers if the NBA lockout continues.
MUST WATCH: Kobe on Michael Jordan: “I call him, he calls me right back, every time.”
Kobe Bryant spoke on the UCSB campus yesterday, on a number of topics, including a great sad story about Kwame Brown. Well, Got ‘Em reader Imadul Kabir* was there, recorded the videos, and is giving us a first look at Kobe’s other answers.
Above, Kobe is asked about whether there’s any competition with Michael Jordan:
Question: “How important is it to you when you retire to be considered the Best Player Ever? Better than Jordan?”
Kobe’s Answer: “Nah, it’s not important. ‘Cause that’s impossible. Even jordan, people say he’s not the best ever…”
I can’t make out the rest of Kobe’s answer, but he does drop a Bill Russell bomb.
It’s clear Kobe’s lying about not caring. As I’ve detailed before, once Kobe admitted to lying to the press, it’s hard to take take his words at face value. It’s the old saying: When the toothpaste is out of the tube, you can’t put it back. After saying the opponent didn’t matter, Kobe admitted beating the Celtics in 2010 Finals meant more, in part because of the Lakers loss in ‘08, and in part because of the long rivalry between the two franchises.
Now, when he says playing the Miami Heat is “just another game,” I call BS. When he says he doesn’t want to be considered the best ever, I just simply don’t believe him. That’s what makes Kobe great. He’s consumed with being the best. Please, someone tell me what’s wrong with that? I will teach my future children to do the same (not the children I have from the future, named Zarzax and Zebulon, but the children I may end up having some time down the road with a lady).
The next question, and answer from Bryant, is even better:
Question: “Are you trying to catch his six titles?”
Kobe’s Answer: “Oh, of course. ‘Cause you want to win as many as you can, right? Just by that alone, you’re chasing him. As long as I’m playing I want to continue to win more. Never a direct competition between he and I, because he’s really helped me a lot. He hates when I say it but, I’ll say it anway, I call him, he calls me right back, every time. And we talk about things. That’s the kind of relationship that we have. I wouldn’t sit and have a debate with him about who’s better because I’m directly influenced by him.”
We can skip right over Kobe wanting to win more rings. No surprise there. What’s interesting is Kobe and Michael talk on the phone. What’s SUPER interesting is Kobe pretty obviously wants you to know they talk on the phone.
“Every time” is the phrase that really sticks out. Jordan doesn’t just call Kobe back. He calls back “every time.”
Half of that is Kobe name-dropping (which is a byproduct of insecurity and competition), but half of that is Kobe lovingly looking up to Michael Jordan (which we all know, because he’s copied Jordan so often in the past - nothing wrong with that either). It’s sort of gaudy. We get it, you and Mike are friends. It’s also terribly sweet. He wants us to know Mike talks to him because he idolizes MJ just like we all do.
If Jordan and I ever talk on the phone, you can bet your sweet ass I’ll be bragging about it here. (We’d probably talk about root beer, how we both like our tater tots crispy…you know, the stuff champions talk about.)
Kobe goes on to talk about how Jordan’s freakishly large hands were and are a big difference between the two of them, but Phil Jackson hipped us to that years ago.
The only thing you need to remember is, no matter what he ever says, Kobe wants to beat Jordan, because he wants to be the greatest of all time, and that’s a noble goal. We should all strive to be the best we can be at whatever we’re doing.
*Tip of the hat to Kabir for the video. Check out more of his stuff at mixmakers.net, and his YouTube page: imadogg
Congratulations to Kobe Bryant for being voted “Most Likely to Succeed” by his graduating class at Lower Merion High School in Ardmore, Pennsylvania. With 5 NBA titles, 1 league MVP award, 2 Finals MVP awards, 13 All-Star appearances, 9 All-NBA First Team selections, 27,686 points, and $196,190,615 in career earnings (not counting endorsements), Kobe certainly made good on the bold prediction.
However, if you would, let us look at the true superstar of LMHS Class of ‘96 - Antje Herlyn. With Google, a little investigation, and a lot of free time, I found out Antje is now Dr. Herlyn.
After Lower Merion, Herlyn was accepted to Ivy League powerhouse, Dartmouth University, where she graduated with a degree in dolphins (Made up her major. Everything else is real, but I just couldn’t find her major anywhere. Ladies like dolphins though, right?). While at Dartmouth, Herlyn met classmate Sebastian Marc Barreveld, who she would marry in 2007. Barreveld was a doctoral candidate in 17th-century Dutch cultural History at Stanford University, where he also received a master’s degree in early modern European history.
After college, Herlyn got her medical degree from the University of California, San Francisco, before doctoring things at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston. Dr. Herlyn is now a well-regarded anesthesiologist, and upstanding citizen.
Sure, on the surface, you could make the case Kobe has been more “successful,” what with his worldwide fame and budding global brand, but I submit that is not the case. For your consideration: Los Angeles Laker, Kobe Bryant will retire within the next 5-25 years, while Dr. Antje Herlyn and her husband will be rolling in that Dutch cultural History-money until they’re at least 65. Take that.
Stacking. Chips.
Kevin Durant’s Summer “Vacation”
From China to the Philippines, Rucker to D.C., Kevin Durant spent his long Summer stepping into the firmament of NBA superstars. Arguably the league’s best scorer at the ripe old age of 22, the extra reps of Summer ball weren’t as important to Durant’s rising celebrity. It was the barnstorming.
Of course, Durant couldn’t be the NBA’s future poster boy without the skills, but he seems to be taking care of that quite nicely, I might say. It was hitting the streets, visiting the playgrounds, and playing in the small gyms that have taken the Oklahoma City forward from NBA All-Star to the People’s Champ.
Every single person lucky enough to see the long frame of Kevin Durant stride onto their home court, strapped with a uniform of backpack and headphones, is now invested in his future. Fact is, I care about Durant more after watching him battle a heckler at the NIKE Pro-City game I attended. That was the point of his global basketball tour (which isn’t even over yet).
Now, Kevin’s approachable. Relatable. He’s not just the guy on television. You’ve seen him in your hometown. You’ve watched him play for nothing. You see his passion.
Make no mistake about it: whenever the NBA comes back, you’re going to tune in to see Kevin Durant, you’re going to check the Thunder’s record, and you’re going to hope to see his truly unique game in person.
If you were lucky enough to catch him this past Summer, you may well end up telling your children you saw one of the greatest to ever lace them up, play the game he loves, not in some gigantic arena with tens of thousands, but up close and personal.
That’s what happens when you’re The People’s Champ.
(photos: kevindurant35.com I Michael Stargill)
LEBRON AND D.WADE SNAPPIN’
I enjoyed these two trading jokes - good natured, good material - in a public forum. It was light-hearted and fun. Tell you what, they almost got me.
Listen, guys, best pals don’t have to tell strangers how close they are over twitter. Brothers don’t need to advertise their bond. If you weren’t tight already, I’m sure America hating you, from arena to arena, all across the country, brought you even closer together. You guys are more than best friends. Your relationship was forged in a fire.
That’s why those tweets felt desperate. I don’t know anyone who would even THINK about going on twitter and professing their relationship. So why do it? Well, they have an agenda.
Wade: We’re in on the jokes.
James: We have no problem making fun of ourselves.
Call me crazy, but I think this twitter exchange was a setup. I think it was a premeditated, calculated move to take the power back. What’s the old adage? “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.” I think each player’s representation devised this stunt to not only drum up social network buzz, but to make it seem as though each guy is “just one of the boys.”
For all intents and purposes, they’re telling us, “The jokes don’t work. We already make them about each other.” I might believe that, if each hadn’t admitted over the Summer to being affected by the crush of antipathy.
Wade told ESPN 540 in Milwaukee, “Obviously we went through a lot last year. It was unfair some of the stuff that we had to endure but we grew from it.”
LeBron told HoopsHype.com, “We didn’t accomplish our ultimate goal, and that is to win the NBA championship, but for a team to come together for the first year, and get through what we got, and to do some of the things what we did with all the scrutiny and media coverage that we had throughout the season, I think it was a successful season.”
So, all of the “scrutiny” and “media coverage” was “unfair,” and now you two are trying to tell me the jokes don’t affect you? I don’t buy it.
They want relief. They want the snarky college kids, and the jealous Laker fans (like me) to go away. They want to be loved, so they can go back out and command the millions in advertising dollars that awaits them.
Nice try, fellas, but I’m on to you.
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Ron Artest is one Ol’ Dirty Bastard.
The transformation of Ron Artest to Metta World Peace bares more than a striking resemblance to the switch ODB made into Big Baby Jesus.
Intrigued? Read more.
