HOW KEVIN GARNETT COULD MAKE YOU MILLIONS OF DOLLARS

Kevin Garnett has had a fantastic NBA career.  He was a young phenom, built on kinetic basketball energy, who turned his career into something much more by adding a reliable jump shot, then becoming a top flight defender.

The truly great NBA Champions of the last decade were as follows:  ‘99-‘00 Lakers, ‘00-‘01 Lakers, and the ‘07-‘08 Celtics, in large part because of Garnett trolling the middle of the lane looking for loose opponents.  Best defensive team since the ‘90’s Bulls.

However, with a resume replete with accomplishment, and a hat stuffed full of feathers, Kevin Garnett is still somehow on dangerous ground for ruining his legacy by being remembered as a punk.

Watch this video.

It’s bad enough Garnett pushed J.J. Barea, one of the smallest players in the league, but then he acts like a tough guy with the referee?!?!?  I don’t get it.  Who is he trying to impress?

The guy is treading in the dangerous “fake tough guy” waters.  Udonis Haslem called Paul Pierce as “studio gangster,” but must feel the same way about Garnett, no?  Just look at KG’s history of conflicts in the NBA.

After the Barea fracas, KG was quoted as saying, “I never apologize for my actions, as I play with passion.”  We get it, Kevin.  You’re so ferocious.  You can’t hardly contain it.

You know who else has a hard time containing their “ferocious” energy?  Kids.  Delinquent kids to be exact.  They don’t know how to conduct themselves in and amongst functioning adults, so they act out and are punished accordingly. 

But Kevin Garnett’s no kid.  He’s a 34-year old, experienced, multi-millionaire businessman and champion.  At least, I think he is.  He did just punch a guy in the private parts…

When most people age, they come to the realization there’s no need for the show.  The confidence in quietly going about your business is much louder than the shouting and yelling.  It comes with maturity.  Only, Garnett hasn’t seemed to learn that yet. 

Picking on guards?  Referees?  Slapping defenseless guys in the privates?  The screaming?  The faces?  The stanchion punching?  Slow down, KG, you’re playing yourself.  Don’t let it belie your talent and career.

I’m not worried about the kid who puffs out his chest before a bar fight.  I live in abject fear of the man with the ice-cold glare, who’s been there before, is calm, and won’t blink.  He’s terrifying.

So you’re probably wondering how you make make millions of dollars off of Kevin Garnett.  It’s easy, as far as I can tell.

As the Kardashians have proved, you can make money doing almost anything in this country.  USA!  USA!  USA!  It’s the great thing about living in America.  A comedian like Kathy Griffin has made an incredibly successful career out of leeching off those above her, attacking celebrities far more popular than Griffin herself. 

So, it comes as a great surprise to me that there is no player in the NBA who has gone out of their way to take on Garnett, who is a firebrand, a pillar of the NBA, and most certainly, a news-maker.

All you have to do is walk under the basket before the game and mock his routine by beating your head into the basket support.  When he barks, bark louder.  Right in his face.  Mimic everything he does.  Do it from the bench.  Be unrelenting.  When he throws an elbow, you throw one right back.  When he tosses his hands up and walks away “innocent,” you reciprocate.  Completely antagonize him.  Spit that medicine right back in his face.

Here’s the list.  Samardo Samuels, Cavs.  Eduardo Najera, Bobcats.  Jason Maxiell, Pistons.  Craig Smith, Clippers (Blakers).  Darrell Arthur, Grizz.  Kevin Seraphin, Wiz.  Marreese Speights, 76ers.

You are all middling players, with little to no cachet, on non-contenders.  You also happen to be at least 260 pounds, or otherwise visually stunning as it pertains to physique. 

You go mix it up with Garnett, and you’re all household names tomorrow morning.  You’ll be somebody in this league.  Your new reputation as “enforcer” will see you well when looking for your next contract.  I’m talking millions more than you command right now.  Take down the bully.

Somebody.  Anybody. 

C’mon Jon Brockman.  There’s got to be a reason you look like that.

Jordan Hill, you’re out of the league when that rookie contract is up, unless you pick this fight.

Want to change your reputation from baby to national hero, DeMarcus Cousins?  Twitter will be alive.  Your legend will grow.

And the best part?  Unmercifully teasing and riding Kevin Garnett for an entire game won’t result in anything.  Kevin Garnett hates to fight. 

The problem is, too many grown-ups.  The guys from that list are too mature to stoop to that level.

Just saying though, that’s easy money.  Especially with Garnett’s knees…

Got ‘Em Coach