Some 30 years ago, a Michigan sportswriter named Jack Stabley watched a high school kid hang 46 points, 22 rebounds and 16 assists in a single game. Stabley called the performance, and the teenager, “Magic.” Earvin Johnson was no more.
With Blake Griffin’s high-wire act, coupled with the proliferation of YouTube and twitter, never before has someone so badly needed a nickname. It is a moral imperative, and I’m on the front lines of this war. I want to be responsible. I want to be your Jack Stabley.
There are a lot of monikers in the ether, but nothing is sticking. There’s no buy-in yet. Lets go through them, examining the pros and cons of each, and I’ll add my own suggestions (of course, if you have ideas, you should write them below). Starting in alphabetical order:
Pros: onomatopoetic - classic Hanna Barbera reference
Cons: plays a little young (calling a 30 year old Bam Bam might feel childish, a la “Lil Bow Wow” or “Snoop Doggy Dogg”)
Pros: the Marvel Comics reference is cool - he is currently beastin’ on the league
Cons: they’ll put Beast in front of Griffin because both “Beast” and “Blake” start with the letter “B” and “Beast Griffin” does horrible things to my mouth. Me no likey.
“The Blake Show”
Pros: I’m a HUGE David Letterman fan, and the homage makes me feel warm - he is definitely a showman
Cons: some people call the Lakers the Lake Show
“Blake the Quake”
Pros: rhymes - LA has tectonic plate issues, so there’s an organic tie-in
Cons: a little corny, perhaps? - nobody actually calls a seismological event a “quake,” so I’d prefer “Earthquake” Griffin if anything, and I’m not in love with that either - won’t be as clever when he leaves the Los Angeles Clippers…
Pros: the “Mr.” really formalizes things - makes him a gentleman
Cons: a slightly silly answer to a question so deadly serious
Pros: drags Marvel Comics into the fray once again - Griffin does smash as often as he can - the poster’s already made
Cons: Hulk is already a well-established name - name feels proprietary
Pros: short and sweet - he’s made quite an introduction to the Association - Griffin highlight reels will look bananas when cut to this song.
Cons: doesn’t hold up as well past this rookie season
Pros: any Public Enemy reference is warrants merit
Cons: “Professor” feels forced
***IN SERIOUS CONSIDERATION***
Pros: feels really good to call him that, really good - so many movie tie-ins - Terminator soundtrack over video
Cons: see “Hulk”
Pros: he does photograph nicely - his ability to posterize is unmatched
Cons: doesn’t roll off the tongue
“The Problem”/”El Problema”
Pros: short and sweet - from game one, I’ve been writing how Blake Griffin is a serious problem - “El Problema” works beautifully for the carnales in Los Angeles
Cons: you tell me…
I’m liking Problem, which spins off into Problem Child, Problema, etc., but you tell me. We’re working as a team here.
Why is your voice important to this process? Eventually, perception becomes reality, so I will choose a nickname based o preference, your encouragement and suggestions, then we’ll begin calling him our chosen nickname all of the time on the site.
If we work hard, and we really believe, before you know it, the Clippers play-by-play team will use our name, and it will be written. Pounded in stone by Ralph Lawler.